“What is up for you this summer?” The question was completely harmless. And yet it sent me into a tailspin. I am typically not at a loss for words. But in that moment I deflected, defended and justified my lack of summer activity. My reaction says a lot about where I am emotionally. Please tell me I’m not the only one who has to relearn very basic lessons. OUCH.
Timely Sunday morning worship and I have regained my balance. I am not valuable because I was especially productive today. I am not valuable because the world is impressed with my achievements. I am not valuable because of how my life looks on instagram. I am not valuable because I am beautiful or thin or rich or talented or … you fill in the blank. I am valuable because of whose I am — A daughter of the King!
My days are quite mundane. My calendar is packed for sure. But I don’t have much to show for it. Phone calls fighting with insurance, driving to appointments, advocating for Ian. Thinking, researching and planning possible interim steps Ian can take toward independence. Truly it has become a full time, even thankless, job. How the heck did I get here? I keep telling myself it is a season. Resentment hangs in the balance. And just like that, I am drowning from discouragement.
The remedy… GRATITUDE. Having gratitude is a discipline. Every day there is something to be thankful for. The shift is so subtle. The focus moves from what I want… to what I have. Here goes. As I write, I am sitting outside in our lovely backyard drinking a glass of merlot. Envied, Doug has joined me. I am grateful to not carry this burden alone. I am grateful for the faithful prayers of thousands. I am grateful to live in Albuquerque where it feels like a vacation in your backyard. I am grateful to have the time to devote to project Ian. I am grateful for perspective as I remind myself from where we have come. And just like that the faucet is running. My energy returns with a new sense of joy.
God thank you! Thank you for all of it.
Give it a go. 1Thessalonians 5:16-18. Debbie Hucke