The crisis is over
The casseroles have stopped coming. The drama of daily life is well … much less dramatic. Thank God for that! And yet I find myself screaming inside, NOT YET! I’m not ready to accept this. Please tell me this isn’t all there is. Please tell me you’re not finished. In my panic, I feel like a demanding 3 year old, clinging to the pant leg of my mother, don’t go. Please don’t go. Not yet.
Progress has slowed
Healing seems to have plateaued. And it’s tough to accept. It can be confusing. God has brought us SOOOOOO far. I’m not ungrateful. But I want more.
Speech, Occupational and Physical therapy sessions will pause while we get proper approvals for additional sessions — a tedious, annoying, seemingly silly process. For now, Ian still needs two braces for his right leg. He requires help to get them on, and they limit his wardrobe options. This week we have an appointment with the brace provider to adapt it so he can put it on himself. He is resisting. In his mind, an adapted brace says he’s accepting it longer term.
Reading remains a big challenge. He thinks he can read well enough. Resists practice because it is down right difficult. He failed the ‘would I be safe’ test, cannot recall his address consistently and following instructions is a sketchy proposition.
Still Ian’s head remains in the clouds. For him, life will begin when he moves out. It is heartbreaking. Driving to church this morning, he said, “I plan to ask God for a different life. Mine is pretty broken.”
“Please do”, I reply. “It’s a fair request. God would love to hear from you.”
You’ll get through this
I just completed the book “You’ll get through this”, by Max Lucado. Would you believe, I was attracted to the title? It is a powerful account of Joseph’s life. You remember Joseph — tossed in a pit by his brothers, sold into slavery, wrongfully imprisoned, forgotten and dismissed. Spoiler alert — Joseph is redeemed in the end! According to Lucado, the story of Joseph teaches us to trust God to trump evil. If he did it for Joseph, he’ll do it for you.
The unknown future
What does Ian’s future look like? What does my future look like? The tea leaves, the practitioners who work with Ian, my intuitive hunches, and yes God, have all become numbingly quiet.
Just like Joseph, it feels like I’m in the pit. And sadly, as Lucado writes, there are no easy exits. (I know I’ve looked!)
I confess, that sometimes I like the pit. The pit provides plenty of opportunity for my long, whiny pity party. It enables me to justify my less than Christlike behavior. It allows me to grumble and wallow. It can become downright comfy. But the pit also forces me to look upward.
Thank God for His promises
While looking upward, I see Romans 8:28 written in the sky. He is working things out for good! My role is to obey God and continue to do what I can. At the same time, I have to trust Him to do what I can’t. He WILL redeem this mess — even if I don’t understand any of it.
While looking upward I also sense no escape from Him. Psalm 138:7-10. As silent as God may seem to me right now; the truth is that He is just as involved today as He was the day Ian woke up from his 6 week coma. God doesn’t move on to flashier duties. He is completely attentive to me at every moment of every day. Wow!
I loved this mental picture, Lucado describes. I paraphrase. Imagine I offer you 24 hours to experience your wildest dreams. You pick the place, the circumstances, the company, everything. But there is one condition. You must first endure a millisecond of discomfort. Would you accept my offer. RIGHT NOW, you are in the middle of your millisecond.
Romans 8:18. 18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Right now, during this frustrating, season of life, I’m in the middle of my millisecond. This suffering won’t last forever. But I will. I am promised eternity.
Finally, without panic, I have some new marching orders.
Some interesting history
“In late 1939 after the outbreak of the war, the Ministry of Information was appointed by the British Government to design a number of morale building posters that would be displayed across the British Isles during the testing times that lay ahead. The plan for this poster was to issue it only upon the invasion of Britain by Germany. As this never happened, the poster was never officially seen by the public. It is believed that most of the keep calm posters were destroyed and reduced to a pulp at the end of the war in 1945. However, nearly 60 years later, a bookseller from Barter Books stumbled across a copy hidden amongst a pile of dusty old books bought from an auction.”
This poster was designed for turbulent times. How appropriate! For me, or anyone else who is in the middle of their millisecond, consider heeding the simple instruction.
Keep Calm and Carry On
Keep Calm= Trust God to keep His promises. Know he is fully engaged and working every minute detail out for good. (for my good, for Ian’s good and for the good of His kingdom.) He will use the mess! Carry On = Do not lose hope. Do not crawl into a hole. Continue to use your energy and resources towards the best outcome. What a powerful combination.
GodGotThis, Debbie Hucke