The Big Deal
Ian spent the afternoon packing. Meticulous and thorough is not his norm. (He packed for our Italy vacay in about 20 minutes.) But this, was a BIG DEAL. As the hours ticked by, it’s significance seemed to pick up steam. It was cute, and sad and precious and scary. As I write this, Ian is experiencing another first since his accident last August. One that has hit me harder than I expected– a sleepover. (A 22 year old sleepover.) He is staying with his former roommate. The same roommate he lived with for 5 days — in that same house just a block from the scene of the crime.
I’m at a disadvantage. I remember the entire nightmare, in every gory detail, as if it was yesterday. God gifted Ian with memory protection. He can’t remember much from last fall and lost about 4 months entirely. Instead, Ian’s recall takes him back to the ‘full of excitement days’ of beginning his junior year of college — living with his buds, a dream come true.
I am excited for Ian. Really I am. We discussed the importance of this practice run. We were clear about his limitations and our expectations. He appeared to listen, and he said all the right things.
Whooppeee. With Ian gone, Doug and I are gifted with an empty nest, for one night. The same empty nest I was teased with back in August. Isn’t it just like us humans to always want what we can’t have? I am quite sure at some point I was lamenting that same empty nest and how sad I would be. Then, when it is taken from me, I grumble about that too. Admit it, you do it too. To my women friends… consider your hair for example…. If it’s straight, I bet you want some curls. And if it’s curly, you whine for straight. The pattern reminds me of Eve.
Eve, introduced us to this silly, albeit SINFUL, nature. She was in a garden, a lovely paradise where she could have ANYTHING she wanted, except the fruit from one tree. You know the story… what was she fixated on? She was fixated on the one thing she couldn’t have. We may look back on that story with judgement. Come on Eve. Really. You have to have that one apple? But, admit it, we’re all like her. We would all do the same. We are all modern day Eves. Sin, yucky sin. It creeps in so subtly.
Back to our empty nest. Doug and I did enjoy dinner out at one of our faves, a splurge place, reserved for special occasions. It was a very pleasant evening. But before the lights went out, that bugger I can spot from a mile away came for a visit. You may know him too. He is so familiar to me he has a nickname, Wiley Worry. Wiley means brilliant and resolute. And that he is. He might as well dress up in red with horns and a tail! Like an unwelcome, greedy guest, he barged right in and made himself comfortable. He has a knack for spilling gasoline on the the embers in my mind. And just like that, my imagination was ignited.
“What if Ian doesn’t take his medicine or he can’t find his medicine or he takes his medicine with alcohol that he never drinks and he has a reaction, a bad reaction and his friends are all drunk and no help and …..” So I text Ian. “Please take your medicine.” The text appears delivered, but remains unread. I sense that son-of-a B#$%^ Wiley taunting me. “That’s right. He’s probably lying in a gutter somewhere.” I ask Doug to check the ‘find my friends’ app on his phone (which can track where a phone is) Of course, it isn’t working properly. (Ian’s phone is off or out of battery) Yep, Wiley says, “lying in a gutter for sure.”
Come Holy Spirit
I am indeed thankful for a praying spouse. Before sleep could come, it was prayer that sent Wiley packing. Come Holy Spirit. In my experience, prayer is the only effective fire extinguisher.
John 14:27 . 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
My methods to fill in the gaps of my wonder with snippets of inadequate information, only seems to fan the flames. Prayer puts the Holy Spirit at the scene. He is the Father of Truth called upon to fight the father of lies. And He fights fire with Holy fire. He is my advocate, my intercessor, my comforter. While He accomplishes the deed in an instant, He doesn’t leave me smoldering or empty. No. He saturates my mind with His Peace. The Peace that passes all understanding. John 14:27