I’m excited to travel to Pittsburgh this weekend to witness a special family wedding. Skyler, my niece far left, was a flower girl in my wedding 24 years ago. She is the oldest grandchild and the first, out of 14 Roeshot grandchildren, to be married.
My wedding day
The anticipation has me recalling my wedding day. A damp, dark day in Edinburgh Scotland. Dec. 30th 1994. I was older than most brides, but still felt very uncertain. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Doug. Our marriage was not a whim. We were best friends and had known each other for almost ten years. But it was the marriage part that caused some panic. I loved my independence and it felt a bit as if I was giving something up. At 33, though, I really wanted to be a mom. In my view a mom seemed less risky because I could still call the shots. I decided I wanted to be a mom, more than I wanted to be certain about becoming Doug’s wife. In that moment, I embraced the uncertainty of marriage and in the proper Scottish tradition said “I will” and became Mrs. Douglas Hucke.
Happily Ever After
Of course, ever since that day, it has been blissful and smooth and problem free — just like the fairy tale, Happily Ever After. (SARCASM at it’s finest!) . God has blessed my marriage. If I had known what I know now, there would have been zero hesitation. But even still it has been a laboratory for growth. It has required compromise and trust and forgiveness and love. Thankfully, from the start, God has been at the center. A detail that cannot be overlooked or overstated.
Uncertainty and Trust
What if I didn’t risk it? What if I waited until I was certain? Who knows if I ever would have been certain? The point is, uncertainty is nothing new. On my wedding day, uncertainty was already a familiar and unwanted friend. Uncertainty in all flavors, big and small, has been a common theme in my life. In this current season, perhaps because uncertainty lingers, I am slowly beginning to get it. It is so very hard for me because uncertainty takes away my control. OUCH.
As He is lovingly scraping the cataracts from my eyes, I am beginning to see His purpose in it. Uncertainty is the frequent and effective tool the Lord uses to grow my trust. Yes uncertainty removes my control, but at the same time, it invites trust.
What will grow?
Picture this…I have this big petri dish, like the one in 7th grade science class. The agar (is that what it is called?) is dense, scary, risky uncertainty. Cells from my heart, my will, and my mind are all carefully placed on the agar. The experiment is designed to see what will grow. Something will grow. Will I grow fear and anxiety, or will I grow trust in the Lord?
With history as the kind, patient teacher, it feels as if God is pointing to my marriage now and saying “SEE”?!!!! Here is some evidence. See what we have grown, together?
Isaiah 26:3. “You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”
Thank you Doug for 24 years and counting and for letting me think I call at least some of the shots. And thank you God for meeting us in that place of uncertainty to mold us and make us into a stronger marriage than I thought was possible.