If hard things come in threes, I’m done. The loss of my Daddy, the fight with my son and a milestone birthday all within the same week was a triple whammy. Each emotional event caused me to look inward. Mix them together and God has demanded my attention.
Dealing with emotion is messy and uncomfortable. And frankly, not much fun to write about. In my experience, the effort required to process what goes on between our ears, is the hardest work of all. It’s difficult to know when we’re making progress. And burying it deep is an easy out that seems to work, until it doesn’t. I’ve found that unresolved emotion, no matter what it is, eats away at the mortar of our lives.
The Lord doesn’t want us to wrestle with our thoughts alone. His presence provides courage, direction and insight. And even though we may look for an escape route, He doesn’t allow us to find one. There is too much growth possible when we do the hard work.
I thought I had made progress and was doing ok. But then, not realizing my fragility, I read an email from a dear friend. One arresting sentence took my breath away. Thankful to be home alone, I balled. The sentence read simply, “You are a good mother.” And it was my undoing.
The flood of unrestrained tears took me by complete surprise. What in the world was that about? I wondered if my dramatic reaction was because it’s something my daddy would say. Or maybe because it feels so un-true. Or maybe at 60, being a good mother is not only my deepest longing but also also potentially my greatest legacy.
The lyrics to Lauren Daigle’s song, “You Say,” provided a glimpse of insight.
It begins, “I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough. Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up.” The hopeful chorus “YOU SAY,” repeats the antidote to the enemies lies.
Who do You say that I am?
If we don’t know who we are, we will waste our time and our abilities to prove something Jesus has already proven. It’s not how high we can jump, or how much we can do, our how well we can do it, it’s that He stooped down and chose us and that identity is what makes us great.
1 Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
The enemy knows our value long before we do. Since his threat to us is directly related to our threat to him, we shouldn’t be surprised that he goes after what’s most important to us. After all, that’s where we’re most vulnerable and susceptible to his lies.
Wearing the belt of truth, the Lord helps us to fight back. Our identity is not up for debate. It’s not changeable based upon our shortcomings or our lack of confidence. We are His. Period.
Even on our worst day the enemy knows who we belong to. He knows we are more than conquerers and can’t be defeated. His only hope is to convince us NOT to believe the same.
Romans 8: 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
With competing voices in each ear, I have a choice. Which voice do I listen to, the one that is louder or the one that is true?
One of the sweetest victories we can claim for our Lord is to refuse to live with insecurity. The way I see it, when we stand on the truth of His word and believe He created us with valuable gifts, we become a threat. Because then, with conviction, we actually dare to use those gifts for His purposes.
I Get it Now
All this time I’ve been blaming the enemy for stealing my joy. But I get it now. Cutting off the blood supply is his strategy. He doesn’t care about my joy, but he’s after my strength. Without the Lord’s strength coursing through me, I’m powerless and impotent.
Nehemiah 8:10 …. The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Dang it. Yes! I am a good mother. Strike that… I’m the best mother for Ian and Rebecca. Not because of me, but because God specifically chose me for the job. As impossible as it sometimes seems, He never calls us to something He doesn’t also equip us for. And the way I see it, my success in that calling is completely on Him.
Dear Heavenly Father, I praise you for Your claim and calling on my life. Forgive me for all the times I forget who I am. Thank you that my value is anchored in Christ. Help me to know that my identity doesn’t depend on my confidence or diminish with my kid’s decisions. Help me to believe I am who you say I am. Chosen. Beloved. Forgiven. Yours. Amen.