Mother’s Day
Today, as I write, it’s Mother’s Day. And it feels heavy. Ian is coming home to make me dinner. Thanks to his assistant Sheri, who is both his memory and his thoughtfulness. Pulling it off though, will require all of us. But, we’re used to that — the dance of making things seem normal.
A week ago Sheri asked me for the contact info for Ian’s lawyer. (Doug and I are legal guardians). Surprised, I became defensive and hurt. Of course I knew why Ian wanted this. His dream has become a singleminded obsession. After graduation he’ll move to Brooklyn. Mom and Dad stand in his way and the lawyer could remove the obstacle. So I ruminate. And fume. And stay awake at night. Instead of counting sheep, I rehearse dialogue and practice responses. It’s a no-win conversation that has spirit-breaking ramifications. And that’s the worst part of it. I’m the dream crusher, the kill-joy, the reason for his misery.
The heaviness hung on Mother’s day because it was time. The conversation had to be had. Brent, the lawyer, fully understood our predicament so I wasn’t worried about the outcome, just dreaded it. Reality bites. Doug suggested I just forget it because Ian probably would. But… forgetting wasn’t an option. “IT” was already big in my mind and growing bigger by the minute.
The cooking happened, the pretty table was set, hugs and kindnesses were exchanged and by all outward appearances, Mothers Day would please even Hallmark. The next ten minutes are a blur as my mind was elsewhere preparing to lay down the gauntlet.
The Exchange
“Ian, Sheri tells me you’d like the lawyers contact info.”
“Yeah,” Ian says with no reaction, I think I have it, I just forget his name.
“Brent” I say.
“Oh yeah,” says Ian. “I wanted to call him in April but my camera was stolen.”
Completely puzzled and not following I ask, “WHAT?”
It turns out Ian wanted to call his lawyer to remind him of his promise to be in Ian’s movie, the pipe dream movie that Ian plans to make someday. There was no mention of New York!
Completely dumbfounded, I smiled at Doug. I sensed the Lord’s wink as if to say, Debbie, I’m sad you took the bait. Your worry and growing nightmare is apart from me.
Awful-izing
My friend Amy has a word for it. She calls it ‘awful-izing.’ It’s the stupid journey we take when we allow our mind to conjure, to project, to think the worst about something. Awful-izing is twisted perspective. It takes a shred of truth and runs off in a direction without God.
I’m ashamed to have to learn this lesson for the umpteenth time.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
The Power of the Mind
The mind is powerful and during a pandemic it requires extra protection. Bombarded with fearful messages and conflicting and confusing facts the mind gets overwhelmed. On top of that, because personal stresses become amplified, conditions are ideal to take the bait.
The Mind gone Fishing
The mind is constantly fishing. Using past hurts or popular societal opinion or a blatant lie from the enemy, the mind nurtures a thought and then trolls for lure to confirm it. Our mind casts these fabricated thoughts out onto the streams of life. We’re fooled to believe that our system works until it doesn’t.
We Bite
Want to see the popular lures of our day? Scroll through facebook. So easily we bite and get hooked on a blue-winged-provoker or a hopeless-midge or a my-life-is-perfect-bugger or an angry-over-my-dead-body dragonfly.
Once you’re hooked, you struggle which lodges the hook deep. You’re now in a fight for your life being pulled in directions you never intended. In spite of your effort to move on, your mind won’t allow it.
Here’s the thing… when it comes to your mind it’s important to notice where the fishing analogy breaks down. Your mind can only use barbless hooks. Your mind will suggest you’re stuck. BUT… if you pause from the struggle and observe the hook carefully you’ll see the truth. Staying stuck becomes your choice.
Judgement or Mercy
Clearly, I blew it. Doug and I laughed about it later, but I was ashamed. I wasted precious, counterproductive time and energy awful-izing. When you discover yourself in the doghouse, do you like to face the music? Me neither. But I did.
I went before the Lord deserving judgement and discovered His mercy. God didn’t withhold His compassion waiting for me to get my Christianity right. Instead he showed me His kindness and pointed me to His word.
2 Corinthians 10:5 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
God’s word completely upended my flimsy defense. Instead of wrestling with the bait, I wrestled with this verse. The way I understand it, to take every thought captive simply means that you exert control over your thought life.
Never Alone
Easier said than done, I agree! But as I prayed, He reminded me that His presence was already with me. It’s by the power of the Holy Spirit that makes it possible. In fact, self control is a fruit that’s promised. (Galatians 5:22) With the Lord’s re-direction, I’m back.
Father God, Thank you for loving me no matter how many times I take the bait. Thank you for your provision through the power of the Holy Spirit to exhibit self control. Please help me to take every thought captive to be obedient to Christ. I’m yours Lord. I pray that my mind and behavior reflects that. Amen.
Debbie Hucke
I loved the title today and the term awlful – izing! I can totally relate and appreciate your openness. I know I take this bait too often and will let my mind go crazy. Thank you for this reminder of Philippians 4:8!
I remember Ian well from first grade as he was in my first class back teaching after being home with the kids. I know I had so much to learn about teaching first grade but as I remember him, it brings big smile to my face.
Im thankful I’ve gotten connected to your blog as God has been using you to challenge and encourage me. Thank you.
So great to hear from you. I was equally shell- shocked to parent that red head! What a precious memory you’ve brought to mind. Thanks for your comment today. 🙂 I’m delight you’re connected. Debbie
Debbie, this brought a tear to my eye. So many times I’ve laid in bed in the middle of the night with my fears growing to monstrous proportions only to wonder in the light of day what I was so worked up about. Even sometimes our attempts to “give it up to God” are thwarted by our insecurities and need to be in control. Thanks for sharing!
Things definitely grow in the dark don’t they. Thank you Lisa for your comment. It’s a journey for sure, but e can definitely help each other stay the course.
Oh my how many times have I taken the bait. I’m embarrassed. Usually with one of our boys as teenagers. Great message Debbie.
Amen Emmy. Isn’t staggering though… that no matter how many times we do, he loves us, forgives us and encourages us to get right back out there and try again.
Those are 2 of my life verses because I’ve taken the bait so many times! BUT His mercy, love and compassion are always there for me just as you said!! Thanks for the reminder!!
His mercies are new every morning! Amen. Happy Mother’s Day Berta. Debbie
Have to say I didn’t know those verses, but will hopefully remember them when/if I dive down that rabbit hole. Your sharing is just amazing – want you to know that you make a difference. Enjoy your day.
The rabbit hole… what a great picture of that stupid place we go. Thanks Mary. Hope to see you on the court soon. Debbie
When I take the bait, often I discover, as you did, that God was way ahead of me. The seemingly insurmountable situation was solved already. Often quietly, without fanfare. Shame on me for not trusting the Creator even as I ask him for help! I am grateful that He bears with me and stays with me and ahead of me! Thank you for your faithful ministry through your blogs. You always help me to reflect on God’s blessings.
I love that thought. Yes… God was already of me. He is already ahead of me. I do pray one day Ian will make it to Brooklyn, but that is on God’s capable shoulders. 🙂
Amen, sister! This describes so much of my life and the way my mind manipulates situations…..sometimes so badly that I miss having fun, or miss appreciating the good things, or miss enjoying moments, or, or, or….. This is so timely for me. Sheri and I are doing a Bible study called “Get Out of Your Head.” Through this study, I’m working on giving my worries (and thought) to God…..and letting go…..completely…..without holding on to the little string that I have attached to the worry.
Thank you for sharing and providing some insight on this topic! 🙂
Yvonne
Thanks for the comment. It’s reassuring that many of his share this struggle. But you’re right… we miss so much. I’m committing those scriptures I shared to memory. Let me know when you’re ready to take the course. 🙂
So nice to know I’m not alone in “awful-izing”! Thanks for helping us through all of this mess!
Ha! A mess indeed. Sending us right into His merciful arms. 🙂
You are a great inspiration to all of us. However, I usually wake up at 9:00 am and you have been up many hours before that! Hang in there Debbie and thanks for this blog so we can continue to communicate with each other!!
All my love.
Sincerely,
Debra Harbaugh
With the wonders of technology, the email is sent out while I am still in la-la land. But good to hear from you. Debbie
Debbie,
We have ALL been there—taking the bait. It must be inherent in mothers. And it is agonizing how much energy we waste assuming what is going to happen. If we would just wait to see the actual action first! I think this trait has been passed on to my daughter as well. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone!
Amen Kerry. You are not alone!
I totally relate to this and have done this too many times to count over many years. I have learned along the way to think through things but it still happens. Thank you for sharing!
Good to hear from you Diane. I pleased you were blessed.
This sounds like me! My over reaction makes George Banks look like an infant! Thanks, Debbie.
Ha! Good to hear from you Marilyn.
Dear Deb, I so enjoy (and learn) from your blogs, thank you so much for sharing. Your sharing is remarkable, I don’t believe that I am willing to do that! Yes I have encountered your situation many times and sometimes it lasts longer than others, depending how long I hang on to it before handing it over to God. Thank you so much for your openess! Much Love, Shirley
I was in a very desperate time and place when I experienced the freedom of vulnerability. In fact, from it, my blog was born. Thanks Aunt Shirley. I appreciate your comment. That was a courageous first step.
I relate to the enemy setting his trap and then I take the bait. In my eagerness to sympathize with others who may be awful – izing I neglect to slow down and seek Godly words of encouragement to pour out over the awful – izer. So hard, but we must stay vigilant to NOT take the bait! Your transparency is powerful.????
Thank you Jane. I think in an age of social media, we lose sight of real. I’m pleased the Lord is using it.