Meeting new People
Ian loves meeting new people. While at Craig hospital, it happened almost every day. And I so enjoyed watching the show. Sometimes it was a new therapist or nurse, sometimes it was a therapy dog owner and sometimes it was a visitor who came especially to connect with him. He had a hand full of go to questions. What is your favorite movie and favorite song? Those questions were asked of everyone. But I could tell, who made the cut; who Ian decided was worth investing extra energy into. It was that select handful he asked question #3.
What is your super power? The question always evoked a puzzled reaction and usually some laughter. To help them along, he would re-phrase… If you could CHOOSE one super power, what would it be? When the person took the question seriously, in one fell swoop, the conversation plunged beyond small talk and Ian and the no longer stranger were quickly in the thick of it.
The heart of the matter
Ian has never been one for protocol. But his deftness for getting to the heart of the matter, or seeing others for who they are, or for cutting to the chase to discover who was really “for him,” is a trait I’ve admired. Privileged to sit in the front row of his life for so long, I’ve learned which therapists will be effective and which ones won’t. Wise to the pattern, I don’t schedule a specialist based upon their credentials, insurance preference, or by who was recommended. Instead, Ian’s bevy of support goes to the ones who “get” my handsome ginger. The ones he has captured. All others, probably doing their jobs well, don’t make a dent of difference.
My superpower
But I’m Ian’s mom. I don’t get asked the question. Lately, though, because I heard him ask it of a new friend, I’ve been thinking about it. What would I want my superpower to be? Depending on my season of life, my responses would vary. Let’s see… here are some likely responses through the years — Invisible, very popular, a tennis prodigy, ageless. Today, if asked, I would choose to forgo my own super power and gift it to Ian. Since my life is preoccupied with Ian and his progress, passing my gift to him would profoundly help me. Oh if only, Ian possessed a TEACHABLE spirit.
I know, I know
Part of his, I know best, attitude about everything is his age. I get that. But life can be ruthless. Life isn’t gentle with her lessons. And I see pain in his near term future. Pain on top of pain. And he’s had enough pain. I’m in pain, just thinking about it.
Ever since his best buddy Malik left, the ginger kid has been in a funk and there is no tip toeing around it. Powerless and refusing to join him in the dumps, this morning, I went for a long, therapeutic bike ride.
I spent a lot of the ride daydreaming about a teachable Ian, until the Holy Spirit convicted me. On the return trip I heard some fresh, but age old insight. (Especially thankful to have seventy times seven times to get it right.
First, “Debbie, you can’t fix it.”
I’m reminded, almost audibly…. “Debbie, Ian’s challenges even if emotional, are bigger than you. Why are you carrying them? Again”? Ouch
Second, “Debbie you can’t protect him.”
I’m reminded that it’s our generation that has bred helicopter parents more than ever and I am definitely president of the club. We want to protect our kids from harm but in doing so, our efforts back fire. If we treat our kids as if they’re fragile, they’ll stay fragile. Ouch.
Defensively, I rant to the wind, “But, you don’t understand. Ian’s situation is unique and he can’t fend for himself and his judgement has been damaged and he is making us all miserable and Ian doesn’t know you like I know you and his decisions impact me and I can’t live through more hell and It’s not fair. None of it is fair. And….” Silence. Soon though, the thought, planted by Him no doubt, occurs to me. If Ian doesn’t need rescuing, why would he turn to God? Ouch.
Third, “Debbie you can’t change him.”
Have you ever tried to change someone you love? It works well, doesn’t it? I know of way to many broken marriages, broken because one couldn’t change the other. It’s tired and cliche, but do you know the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting a different result. Ouch.
Fourth, “Debbie, notice that LOG in your own eye.”
What log? What are you talking about God? Like a kick to the stomach, I realize that God would like nothing more than for ME to possess that same TEACHABLE spirit, I so desire for Ian. Of course God knows how much lighter my load would be and how much more content I would be, and how much less stressed I would be if I would believe Him at His word. Believe Him enough to trust Him to carry my handsome ginger. Not just through the appointments, planning the next steps, and the imminent scary decisions, but through Ian’s entire life — through the immature mistakes, through the poor decisions, through the futile efforts to find other gods.
With great humility, I’m cut down to my core. Because Ian is not relying on God, I’ve stepped in to handle the job. And I’m blowing it. What a pathetic substitute. God, forgive me. Triple Ouch.
God wink
And just like that He winks at me. Have you ever had a God wink? One of those incidental things that you try to explain and others don’t really get it, in the same way. That’s because it was intended just for you. I planned to share Luke 18:17. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” Because I thought the lesson of today was that I do have to be like a child… a child that is teachable.
BUT… because He is God and wanted to affirm and comfort me in His Godlike way, I googled Luke 18:27 by mistake. (A practice I use in order to quote it accurately). It was as if God Himself erected this last sign post on my bike ride just for me to carry this truth forever.
What is my superpower? My superpower is the ability to know how really weak and broken I am. And to know that I am a child of God. The God who says in him all things are possible. My superpower is that I’m the daughter of the only REAL SUPERHERO. And He is always, forever and ever, wearing His cape. Today, I am resting on that truth.
#GodsGotThis
Debbie Hucke
Debbie. This spoke to my heart as I have such similar situations although also very different. I want the same super power as you. I need the same super power.
Oh Hannatjie, If I can offer anything at all, it is that You ALREADY have it! By admitting your weakness, He fills in the gaps. His grace is sufficient. Keep claiming it with your head. As it may take time for your heart to catch up.
Thank you for this insightful useful message. I can insert my name and issues.
Blessings to you especially for the next two days.
Thank you Martha — I know you get it! You have been especially close to our challenges. And prayers for your challenges too! I am forever grateful for your efforts and that you’ve said yes to being among Ian’s inner circle of support!
My mom sends me your posts once in awhile. I needed this one! Thank you! We adopted a child that was a crack baby and she struggles to show love but she can show hate like nobody’s business! I keep trying to fix her and I can’t. Thanks for the reminder! I believe in the one true God who can!
Thanks for sharing! I will pray for baby Kasel. I would love to know her name. But for now, she is His beloved child. I will also pray that the one true God will protect your heart to stand firm on His promises.
My superpower is working daily to let go and let God, finding joy and my own purpose in each day. I am glad you got out and did something fun for yourself. The boundaries are very blurred between you and Ian right now, and that is normal for this phase of his recovery. The book I ordered you is on its way.
I can name a few other super powers! Like hearing his whisper when He nudges you to speak boldly to a person you barely know, whose son is in a coma! Forever grateful!