The break from my bi-monthly blog articles may have been needed, but the lack of discipline with my writing has made returning to it, daunting. The jury is out.
Return to Albuquerque
The truth is, the prospect of returning to Albuquerque is also a bit daunting. It isn’t just Cambridge and the adventures I’ve enjoyed. I’ve loved my simpler, stress-free life. I’ve loved the escape to pretend that THIS is my life. With limited internet access, I’ve tried to disconnect. But… as helpful as my village has been, out of sight does not translate to out of mind.
Grateful and Indebted
As far as I’m aware, our house still stands and Ian has survived. And, YES, there is so much I have missed! But…things have not been seem-less. Those on the front lines, Trish and Karen, have had to contend with A-LOT and I am SOOOOOOO grateful and indebted. In recent news our cat Sasha nearly died from poison while Rusty went missing in a storm overnight, worried about her. I’m also aware that my car won’t start and our coffee pot is kaput. And those are just the happenings safe to print.
Crazy-Making
Trish, who has lived in our home for much of our time away, gets it better than anyone. To quote her, “I love that kid, but wow is he crazy-making!”
It’s safe to say, I’m needed. Darn it.
Temptations
Because God has called me to a life I would not have chosen, there are real temptations. For example, I can feel sorry for myself and allow disappointment or bitterness to take root. Or I can stop making an effort, or worst of all to conclude somehow God was wrong.
Has anyone ever told you, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” It’s a lie. Below is the passage that is often misinterpreted.
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
In Chapel, this week, we sang a favorite hymn written in 1834 by Edward Mote of Sussex, England… My Hope is built on Nothing Less (sometimes referred to as On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand.)
“On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.”
The words had a calming effect and have inspired me. To prevent my inclination to trust my feelings, I’ve written a personal manifesto, a declaration of the truth I know. This is not something I’ve achieved, but it is my heart’s desire. And I covet your prayers.
Perhaps some of you may find it helpful as you have been called to carry something heavy you did not choose.
Manifesto
By faith I will accept Ian’s traumatic brain injury as God’s will and by faith accept that God’s will is always good. By faith I will be at peace with God’s sovereignty, even in this. By faith I will accept the difficult assignment of Ian’s mother and guardian. I will grieve but not grumble, weep but not whine, lament but still laugh.
Though I have been scarred by Ian’s changed future, I pray to not be defined by it. Though it will always be part of my story, I pray it it won’t become my identity. I will be forever thankful that God saw fit for me to be Ian’s mother and resist resentment or disappointment that he allowed his challenging life. My joy in loving Ian will be greater than my sorrow for his broken dreams. I will not waver in my faith, nor abandon my hope, nor withhold my love. I will not take offense or charge God with wrong.
I will receive this trial as a responsibility to steward, not a hardship to endure. In it, I will look for God’s smile rather than his frown, listen for his words of blessing rather than his voice of rebuke. This challenge will not make me angry or bitter, nor cause me to act with rebellion or indignation. Rather, it will make me kinder and gentler, more patient and loving, more compassionate and sympathetic. It will loose my heart from the things of earth and fix it on the things of heaven. Being Ian’s mother will make me more like Jesus.
I will entrust Ian completely to you Lord. He is my Isaac and I lay him at Your feet. I know that you love him more than I can or do. I trust that you see everything about our challenging relationship and circumstances. You see Ian’s desperation to be “normal” and his debilitating insecurity. You see his immaturity and his inability to grasp reality. You see his resistance to loving guidance and protection and his dismissal of You and Your influence.
At the same time you hear my desperate prayers for You to move powerfully in Ian’s heart, the only hope for a marked change in his life.
While I wait on You Lord, I will continue to love You and trust You, continue to pursue You and enjoy You, continue to worship You and boast of Your goodness. I will look with longing to the day of Christ’s return and with hopeful expectation to the day of resurrection.
“I will remain faithful until I have fought the good fight and finished the race and kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7
Debbie Hucke, a follower of Jesus Christ, October 19, 2022
Faithful Father, My heart is full of gratitude for this extended time away. You made it possible and your timing has been perfect. My weary soul has been renewed. Thank you for the sacrifices of so many, especially Trish and Karen. Father forgive me for my angst as I soon step back into the role you’ve called me to. Jesus, help me to stand on You, my solid rock. May I live out my manifesto in earnest.
For His Glory, Debbie Hucke
Debbie thank you for this biblical view of your responsibility. It disciples me.
Sending love and earnest prayers for your upcoming Re-entry.
Christy
Thank you my friend. So glad our paths crossed decades ago.
Beautiful and heartfelt words, Debbie. We all have blessings and burdens, I lost a daughter to cancer, and my heart will forever be broken. We must rise up with thanksgiving for the blessings of each day, and go to bed with the peace and promises of Jesus, our Lord. God Bless you always.
Thank you Linda. I know you “get it” and with that you become His living testimony. Thanks for sharing your heart.
Beautiful. It is such a challenge and I know you’ve accepted it but it is still very hard. I pray that God will lead you along the way.
Thank you Emmy. He has been faithful. EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. Amen!
Your Manifesto is so powerful and heartwarming, Debbie. It brought tears to my eyes knowing how daunting our lives can be, (because of our human nature) as we seek to follow God and what He wants from us. Accepting it without fear, anxiety and yes, complaining can be challenging at times but knowing God is with us at every step is everything.
I love your writings, Debbie, and look forward to your return. I have loved the pictures and stories of your wonderful time away and look forward to hearing more.
Thank you and God Bless.
Ginger Horner
❤️. I’m grateful for your encouragement.
Debbie, I don’t know anyone else who writes with such honesty and humility yet always with your warmth and humour shining through. It’s been lovely having you in the UK and I so enjoyed our couple of reunions. I’ll be thinking of you as you head back to the States.
Thank you my British buddy. Spending time with you has been a highlight for sure! Thank you for your hospitality and even more for your friendship.
Wow. Very powerful.
Thank you Wendy. May it be so!
I enjoyed your article very much. Change Ian’s name to my daughters name and your message resonates very clearly.
Oh John, Thank you for chiming in. Please do it. Stand with me as we live out our calling. You too are His living testimony.
Deb,
can I just say, Awesome! Your words are timely and hit the spot!
Again!
Renata
I love you Ms. Renata. Let’s do this! You too, are His living testimony. Debbie
God bless you, Debbie.
Thank you Ruthie. He has and does!
So good Debbie. So many times we ask “why me?” I’ve come to the place of “why not me?” as if someone else would deserve my challenges. Like you, I’m a processor and as we process, God uses is to help others process. Would you be writing this blog if it weren’t for your struggles? I love the Hebrews passage that says, “He’s the God of all comfort who comforts us so we can comfort others.” It helps me embrace and find some measure of meaning in the hard parts of our journey. Keep shining your light friend.
You’re right Lynora. I love that Hebrews passage. In a way it’s a picture of redemption. God transforms our struggles into something “good”. Thank you for chiming in.
Yes, just as we spend time preparing for a sabbatical, we also have to spend time preparing for our return—physically and emotionally. You always do the work, Debbie, always showing us the process of embracing God’s eagerness to go with us on these up and down journeys. I’ve missed the reminders you give us in your blogs that we’re not in this alone. Thank you. Welcome Home!
Dorma, I know YOU get it! You have been in my prayers.
The truth of Christ walking every step with us is the most powerful of life lessons. I know this respite will help you regain your mojo waiting you in the Land of Enchantment.
Bob and I had only been married 5 years before he was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and over the next 34 years he became more crippled.
I know as well as I know my name God is the only reason we grew closer. I adored him even more than the day we married.
I have missed you two and will be happy to see you.
I’ve had tea with you in the little villages you pictured for us????
I love knowing that part of your story Liz. I know you are right. He has been my strength and I will regain my mojo. Thanks for your comment.
Tears spring to my eyes as I conclude reading your Manifesto. It resonates with me as I learn from your honesty and am reminded I can be this truthful with God and He hears my cry. Family burdens can be just that or can be oh so much more with God. It is difficult to remember as we face continual exhaustion but, having read this, I am going to trust God and lean on him more! I would cherish your prayers for my sisters(one homeless and the other waiting for results from a neurological exam) as well as for my mother-in-law who recently moved to assisted living (due to general cerebral atrophy) in Wichita to be near us as we finish Brian’s military career.
I am glad you were able to have a bit of respite so to speak, and wish for you peace as you sit in God’s hands.
Oh dear Vickie! Thank you for your heartfelt comment. I still remember our “ordained” meeting in the trader Joes parking lot. (do I have that right?) Isn’t God good. Our stories have similarities and the burden feels lighter knowing there are other humans out there fighting the good fight. Sending my prayers. Praying for your Peace as you cling to His Presence.
Debbie, your manifesto is truly amazing and reveals your reliance on the Lord of the universe! I can tell you mean every word and appreciate you sharing it. It must have taken a lot of thought and prayer. Ian is blessed to have you and Doug as parents, even if he doesn’t realize it yet! Perhaps God entrusted him to because he knew you would have to depend on Him.
I have found that sometimes God gives me more than I can handle for that reason. No where else to turn but to the Solid Rock.
I have missed your blogs and your presence. Love you lots and am glad you had a time of respite in the UK!
My Manifesto has been taking shape for sometime. Wasn’t sure I wanted to share it. It was in the sharing when I knew I meant it. I know you are right. God has used this trial in my life. I’ve talked about Ian being my “thorn in my flesh” because he does require me to be on my knees, always. I think that is why the idol of comfort is sooooo enticing. Thank you for your thoughtful encouragement.
Dear Debbie, I am very much looking forward to you and Doug returning!
You have been missed for sure. Your message, as usual, was perfectly written. I cried all the way through for many reasons. I look at the different ways we each approach the trials in our lives and admire those who are able to carry their burdens without self pity, anger, or resentment but rather with joy in knowing God is there with us! I am inspired by your Manifesto and am encouraged to find joy in each day.
Many blessings to you, Betsy
Thanks Betsy. Knowing a bit of your story… I appreciate hearing from you because you too, GET IT. Everyone carries “stuff”, but I too admire those who carry their “stuff” with grace, knowing it will be redeemed.
Powerful. Your words are always amazing and so powerful! Thank you for being such a wonderful and inspiring woman. Many blessings and wishes to you and yours. Welcome back!
Thank you Cathy, my adventurous friend. See you soon in the aisles of trader joes. 🙂
WOW! Thank you for your transparency and vulnerability! You inspire me to keep on the path He has me on of trusting Him completely since He is God and I’m not. I’m so grateful that I’m not in charge! What a mess that would be! BUT, in the midst of the day to day stuff, it’s not always easy to be mindful of Him in each moment and remember that I’m a spiritual eternal being having a temporary physical experience. And so are those around me. I appreciate you and pray that when you return you’ll see your life even more clearly through Jesus’ eyes.
Through His eyes… I like that notion. Thank you Berta. You have been such a good example to me in that regard.
I cannot think of one more thing to add to the wisdom of all the wonderful women who replied & each one that I know has something huge to carry.
YOU & all of them are definitely women of my heart.
Looking forward to your return & all that you share so honestly! Lord hear our prayers & help us all to be stronger in knowing that you do hear & trust your plan in our lives.
Thank you for adding your voice Karen. I’ve loved hearing from each one too! It’s amazing how when we are weak, HE is strong! Over and over and over again. XO Debbie
Debbie, such a beautiful thing to read your blog, hear your heart. Even more beautiful to read the comments from your friends, church community, body of Christ.
It changes my perspective on my own life struggles.
It’s curious how we can be so focused on our own pain, but when we carry one another’s burdens it spreads the load, renders it lighter.
Thank you.
Amen Sister. It’s a lesson I learned years ago. The body of Christ is AMAZING. The problem with being strong and self sufficient… we shut others out. We need each other. Looking forward to a proper catch up Jojo.